Saturday, May 9, 2015

There's a Snake on my Windshield Wipers.

Sorry the title robs you of suspense, but I don't know how else to say it: Today a snake was twirled around one of my windshield wipers and I discovered this WHILE driving [applies cold compress to forehead].

Yesterday and today I was sermon planning with my dear friend Pam.  We talked about church, read the Bible, ate good food, and made jokes about preaching from the Apocrypha.  We had fun.

Pam is one of my favorite people.

As we were leaving, Pam noticed our cars were littered with tiny green worms.  Pam began making that nervous eeeeek noise, and had me check her hair for green critters.  Because I am a good friend, I loudly and energetically laughed AT Pam.  Before the 3 millimeter worms could attack, we hugged and parted ways.

About 10 minutes down the road I noticed one of my windshield wiper blades was coming loose so I turned them on for testing.


It was not a loose blade. It was a snake [applies cold compress to forehead].

I screamed.  I screamed louder.  "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!"  I meant this literally, as a snake's face was wiping to and fro, fro and to, right in front of me. 

The fleeting thought of "Snake is outside and can't eat you" came to mind, but it was hard to pay attention.  I foolishly turned the wipers UP to level 1000.  Poor Snake was flying across my windshield at lightning speed.  Snake is scared.  I am scared.  

Just as I start to feel sorry for Snake, Snake flies away.  Hopefully Snake is well, but I couldn't help but wonder if Snake laid eggs in my engine and babies would bite my I called my mom.  She reassured me with some awesome advice:  "Snakes are loners.  I've never seen two together."  I told Mom that sounded right, to which she replied "But I don't really know."  Thanks Mom!

I called Pam too.  We laughed.  Moral of the story?  Pam Chisholm, quoting the Pam Revised Version of the Bible:  "Thou shalt not laugh at thy friend."