Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A tranquil space no more

Last night I went to the gym. There was a sign posted on the classroom door in all caps with red and black ink.  DO NOT ENTER WHILE YOGA IS IN SESSION.  I get it and I definitely won't do it; but the sign did remind me of a few years back when I did do the yoga-ing frequently...

There was a day when I met a church pal at the gym twice a week at 6:00 a.m.  (It's amazing to me too.)  When the alarm went off I would hate it with the fire of 1000 suns, but once I got there it was all good.  I digress. 

I was hesitant to join my friend but with her encouragement and the gift of a yoga mat, I decided to ditch my regular routine for a day and join the yoga class. I was proud of myself.  I deserved a chocolate milkshake banana.

There were only four ladies in the class which made me a bit nervous.  There was nowhere to hide.  Rusty is a generous adjective for my yoga skillz at that point.   

The teacher was all in her yogi-ness.  We began by laying flat on the ground and were getting in sync with our breathing.  The stereotypical nature music in the background, the lights were off, and yogi was speaking in soft tones asking us to not compete to be the most awesome yogi-apprentice ("Rid your body of competition...Don't do anything that would cause you discomfort").  I was cool with all this, knowing full well that I could never be the teacher's pet.  And here is when things got confusing:

Yogi:  (in hushed tones)  Locate a muscle where there is tension or a place where you want to work on, a place where you are hurting.

I'm thinking to myself, "I would really like to work on the abs.  The abs need some help."  So, I place my hand on my tummy and everything is going swimmingly.  We raise up from the closed-eye laying down position and proceed into downward dog or something like that.  Basically, with downward dog your body looks like an upside down horseshoe.  You need to know that my head was upside down.  So there I am breathing, being at peace, releasing tension...when all of a sudden yogi is bent right beside me.  I am looking at yogi upside down and yogi whispers (yes whispers) to me:  "Are we exercising for two this morning?"

Yes.  You read that correctly.  Right in the midst of downward dog, too.  She was all whispery and kind about it, like she had just bought me a sweet crib or rattle or something.  "Are we exercising for two this morning?"  All I could do was open my upside down eyes wide and shake my head "Nope...just exercising for one."  I could have gone complete anti-yoga on her and thrown my mat at the light switch or something, but I chose peace.  At this point in the program it was 7:08 a.m. and class ended at 8:00 a.m.  Fifty-two more minutes with yogi and the class of women older than me who bend like noodles.  

I was working through the awkwardness when yogi comes back for more!!!!  AND It is more than a little ironic that we are now in child's pose.  Yogi explains that by putting my hand on my stomach during warm up time that this is a pregnancy signal or something for yogi types.  I just smile at her and feel sad because I know she's embarrassed.  And she was a really really nice yogi too. 

It's all good.  

Anyway, DO NOT ENTER WHILE YOGA IS IN SESSION.  There's some real stuff going on in there.  Trust me. I know.


  1. Awww! Hard to be at peace then. But YAY for exercising - that's what matters

  2. Thanks for the encouragement Mary. Bless yogi's heart that morning.

  3. This story is hilarious. You handled it with compassion and Christian care. You're the best, Katie! Belinda C.

  4. Thanks Belinda. I know better than pick a fight with a yogi. You can say that about me.

  5. Oh, Katie, I'm only two paragraphs in and already afraid to continue since I think I've heard this before. Here goes...